God Knows Your Heart, March 1
Daily Reflections from Inside the Cancer Journey
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Written by Justin Wood
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (Psalm 13:1-2 NIV)
Cancer is a great time to yell at God. Sometimes you just need to tell God that you feel He is doing a bad job. You might need to yell at Him for a while. You might need to scream and cry and just get it out. Yes, you heard me right. When the diagnosis comes, when the side effects come, when the continual appointments come, when death comes … sometimes you need to tell God that it seems like He is terrible at being God. Tell Him as often as you like.
Twice—yes, two times—the Bible says that David was a man after God’s own heart (see 1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22). David spent a lot of his psalms complaining to God that God was not doing a good job. In today’s verses, David shares the pain in his heart with God:
“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?”
“How long will you hide your face from me?”
“How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?”
“How long will my enemy triumph over me?”
See? It’s all right to get out all your complaints to the Lord. Write them. Scream them. Cry them. Tell God your heart. David was a man after God’s own heart because he fully shared his heart with God. David told the Lord how he really felt. When he needed to yell at God, David yelled at God.
God can see into your heart. God knows your heart already. He can see the anger and hate you may carry towards yourself and towards Him. He sees it, but He will not rip it out of you. You have to give it to Him.
I encourage you … tell God about it. Be honest and sincere. Like today’s verses, you can:
Tell God the cancer makes Him feel farther away when you so need Him closer.
Ask how long you will have to deal with the fatigue, the pain, or the nausea.
Tell Him how much you hate seeing your loved one’s struggle.
Ask why some days bring despair, discouragement, or hopelessness.
This may surprise you, but God will not fall off His throne when you yell at Him. You won’t get hit with lightning bolts. Unload it all. Share your rage and anger. Do not hold back. It may take you an hour. It may take you a week. It may take you a long time. Get it out. Get it before God.
Jesus Himself modeled this on the cross for us, when He cried Psalm 22:1 aloud: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46 NIV) Because of what Jesus did on that cross, you will never be forsaken by God—even when it feels like it. You can trust His heart to draw near to you, even as you are honest with Him. That is when He can meet you in your place of need.
Pray: God, I feel that You have not been doing Your job well and I want to tell You (just like King David) what is in my heart. I trust Your love enough to come to You with everything in me. I lift it to You. Amen.
Your Turn: Spend some time and tell the Lord about any anger, frustration, or disappointment that you have in your heart towards Him. Then allow Him to meet you in your place of need.
Justin Wood, Childhood Cancer Survivor
Justin lives in Bowling Green, Kentucky with his wife and six homeschooled kids. Through his life, Justin has become a wonderful mix of entrepreneur, English teacher, and foreign missionary. He is a survivor of childhood cancer. Justin is very grateful for Cancer Companions and the opportunity to be a part of this devotional writing process.
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