When Cancer Feels Lonely
by Niki Hardy
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4a ESV).
Whether we’re physically alone or surrounded by people whose love is loud and tangible, cancer can be a lonely place. No matter how much our friends and family love us and are with us, they can never truly understand what it feels like to be where we are. If you’re feeling alone, even wondering where God is and if He might just have forgotten about you or abandoned you for some reason, I get it.
I lost both my mum and sister to cancer and was then diagnosed myself just six weeks after losing my sister. I know all too well how cancer robs us of so much. Life—especially with cancer—is a team sport, and no one wins alone. But what are we meant to do when we feel alone and unseen in our cancer journey?
If you're anything like me, your cancer can draw you into yourself, and you tend to hunker down where it feels safer than letting anyone in. The trouble was, eventually I felt so alone. The loneliness had drifted in while I was trying to protect myself, and it felt like there was nothing I could do about it. But that was absolutely not true. And it needn't be the case for you, either.
Today’s verse comes from the well-known words of Psalm 23: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” How wonderful that David, who wrote this song, could say that he wasn't afraid of anything—not because there wasn't anything to be afraid of, but because he knew he wasn't alone.
My hiding inside myself wasn't just driving a wedge deep into my marriage and friendships, but with God as well. And, the truth is, I wasn’t alone. But to know that and to walk in its truth every day required me to do the work. If we want to beat loneliness, we need to act. We’re told, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8 ESV). We need to slow down and breathe. Put on some worship music. Read from the Bible or a devotional. Open our hearts to God. And as we do that, as we draw near to Him, the promise is that He will draw near to us. In other words, as we draw near to Him, we will know we are not alone.
You are not alone. Will you let the truth of that sink into your soul? Know that your God, the God who created you, knows you, loves you and sees you, is striding ahead of you, is right there with you, won't let you down and most definitely won't leave you.
When we truly believe it, we find the courage to walk on and not to fear. You are not alone—and you never will be.
Pray: Lord, Jesus, thank You that You are Emmanuel, “God with us.” Thank You for Your promise to never leave me or forsake me. Thank You for the gift of Your Spirit which means You are with me now and I am never alone. And Lord, thank You that this is true whether I feel it or not. Help me to draw near to You and to rest in Your loving presence in this moment and this day. Amen.
Your Turn: Simply sit and rest in His presence. Imagine His arms around you, or that you're walking hand in hand. Imagine His smile or His firm grip, not letting you go—whatever helps you simply rest and be with Him, soaking in the truth that you are not alone.
Niki Hardy, Family Member and Cancer Survivor
Niki is a British author, speaker, podcast host and cancer thriver. Through her books Breathe Again: How to Live Well When Life Falls Apart and One Minute Prayers for Women with Cancer, and her free Trusting God Through Cancer Summit and Chemo Chair Prayers podcast, she helps people discover life doesn’t have to be pain-free to be full, then go live it. Download her FREE book bundle or find other resources at nikihardy.com.