Restoration #4 of 9 During Restoration Jesus Asks Difficult Questions, August 4
Inside the Cancer Journey: Daily Reflections for Those Coping with Cancer
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Written by Justin Wood
“He called out to them, ‘Friends, haven’t you any fish?’ ‘No,’ they answered” (John 21:5 NIV).
I was three-and-a-half years old when I was diagnosed with cancer. That means that I have spent over forty years running from my cancer experiences: I avoid doctors, strangers, aspects of my emotions, and certain wall paint colors (that look like the hospital room colors). Even now, forty years later, I become anxious driving to the city where I received treatments. Obviously, the Lord knew this—and yet He had the audacity to ask this question: “Would you become a chaplain?” Of course, I rudely said, “No.”
I had spent four decades running hard from my childhood cancer experience. I covered up my fears and hid them well—from others and even from myself. But one day I realized that I could continue to run from all my cancer journey fears, or I could face them. Scary. As I slowly turned to look over my shoulder at all the many fears that I ran from, guess who I saw?
I saw Jesus. Jesus stood with me through all those years and all those fears. I saw Jesus in so many areas of my life, but I was too scared to look for Him in some parts of my cancer journey. He was there all along. I knew that it would not be easy, but I determined in my heart to find a way to replace my fears with love. Eventually, I told Jesus that I would be willing to be a chaplain if He promised to heal my heart and mind in the process. But the process started with a question that was very painful for me to hear.
In today’s verse, Jesus asked them a deeply penetrating question about their identity: “Haven’t you any fish?” This question may feel pretty harmless to us, but consider this question from the disciples’ point of view. First, they were professional fishermen. Jesus’ question hovered around the career they left behind to first serve Him.
Second, Jesus had called them “fishers of men” (see Mark 1:17 and Matthew 4:19), and they were not fishing for men. Instead, they were failing at fishing for fish. In the restoration process, Jesus will ask you questions that touch the deepest core of who you are. Jesus wants you to be free. Jesus is starting a conversation with you that will lead you to a great healing and wholeness.
Jesus wants to free you from the trauma that you picked up during your cancer journey. He wants you to shift your perspective about the bad things that have happened to you. He wants to reaffirm your calling (as you can read in the rest of John 21).
Consider this—the questions that are gnawing at you could be Jesus. Just like the disciples, answer Jesus as truthfully as you can.
Your answer is prayer. Whether long or short, your sincere response is one of the deepest, most powerful prayers you can pray. And most of all, the disciples were not alone. They answered Jesus’ question in community, with other people around to share in the experience.
Pray: Jesus, thank You for walking with me through the hurt and fears of my cancer trauma. Give me the strength to answer Your tough questions with a sincere response, no matter how pretty or how ugly it feels. Amen.
Your Turn: Write down any gnawing or difficult questions that keep coming up in your mind, and then schedule a time to share these difficult questions with a friend, pastor, or therapist.
Justin Wood, Childhood Cancer Survivor
Justin lives in Bowling Green, Kentucky with his wife and six homeschooled kids. Through his life, Justin has become a wonderful mix of entrepreneur, English teacher, and foreign missionary. He is a survivor of childhood cancer. Justin is very grateful for Cancer Companions and the opportunity to be a part of this devotional writing process.
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