“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love” (1 Corinthians 6:13-14 NIV).

On July 21, 1968, I was born. Two weeks later, the Army sent my dad to Vietnam for a year. I don’t remember the day he returned, but I am told I ran straight into his arms. I knew exactly who this special man was. I thank God every day that my daddy came home. When I picture my dad, I hear the words of Paul, “Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.” My dad showed me how to live these words.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV).

Soon after I met my wife, doctors diagnosed her mother with a rare type of ovarian cancer. Over the next couple of years, Dot endured multiple rounds of chemotherapy and grueling surgeries.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened” (Matthew 7:7-8 NIV).

When an oncology doctor or nurse was in the room giving instructions, my mom furiously wrote down everything into her notebook. She would have them repeat words, spell medical terms, and answer questions. When my mom was finished writing, the doctor or nurse might turn to leave, but my mom had not yet dismissed them. She would flip through the notebook to a previous page and then cross check what this doctor said against what the previous doctor said. She would seek to clarify. If there were any discrepancies, she would not stop until the issue was resolved. Then she would dismiss the good doctor.

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 NIV).

I was blessed with three daughters. They are a joy and have helped enlighten a man that was raised with two older brothers. My daughters often tease me, reminding me of what I repeatedly said to them when they were growing up. Apparently, one of my favorite sayings after they asked me for something was to ask the question, “Is it a want or a need?”

“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves” (Song of Songs 1:15 NIV).

A few weeks after my cancer diagnosis, Amy and I received a wedding invitation from a good friend of hers from nursing school. Given my cancer, I wasn’t at all enthusiastic. But the bride-to-be had asked Amy to be a bridesmaid, and she was thrilled. We would be going.

“Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis‬ 2:24‬ KJV‬‬).‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

Cancer tests marriage like few things can. Caring for a sick spouse is hard. Receiving care is also difficult. Some spouses consider leaving after cancer arrives. Many marriages, however, become stronger as couples unite and cleave to one other.‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6 NIV).

Our family plays in creeks. Other families have leisure pastimes like biking or camping or playing softball. My kids have grown up playing in creeks, I played in creeks, and even my dad played in creeks. We have a creek-playing season, and we even have creek shoes. You can’t go out and buy creek shoes; they have to be the too-small pair of tennis shoes from last summer with your toe poking out of the top to really qualify. 

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people” (Ephesians 6:18 NIV).

The day did not go as I had hoped. A young student at the adolescent mental health unit where I worked had violently threatened several staff members and myself. Throughout the day he refused several overtures for conversation from staff members. He eventually initiated an incident and had to be restrained. How unfortunate! However, as I reflect on this encounter some 45 years later, I see a slightly different picture.

“Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17 NIV).

Arriving at the troubled adolescent hospital unit, I prepared my mind before walking through the door. The violent threats I had received the day before from one young man were still fresh in my mind. The proper clothes would be of little benefit if I did not have a healthy perspective. Who knows what the young man’s night had been like? He may have reconsidered his actions. He may be ready for reconciliation. I did not know. All I could do was be sure of my motives and intentions. At first glance, he did not appear to have had a good night. The scowl on his face and the tension in his body spoke volumes. I prayed he would be receptive to our efforts to reach him.

“…and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one” (Ephesians 6:15, 16 NIV).

When I worked at an adolescent mental health unit, I typically wore dress shoes. On this day I was wearing tennis shoes, since they would be more suitable in a scuffle. A young man with a history of violence had leveled a direct threat to me and a few other staff members the day before.

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place” (Ephesians 6:14 NIV).

I knew I was possibly in for a tough day. Yesterday, a young man from the adolescent mental health unit where I worked had leveled a direct threat to me and a few other staff members. I was dressing for work. What would I wear? I decided to be ready for anything. A thick flannel shirt with a leather belt were two of the items I chose to don for the uncertainty ahead.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13 NIV).

After college graduation and before leaving for seminary, I worked as a counselor in a hospital for troubled adolescents. In many ways, it was an eye-opening yet sad time. I saw what a lack of love, guidance, and family structure can do to a young person.

“You came near when I called you, and you said, ‘Do not fear’” (Lamentations 3:57 NIV).

When I received my breast cancer diagnosis, I wanted to first do what was necessary to rid my body of the disease, and then, to hopefully prevent the disease from coming back. When I heard the words “chemo” and “double mastectomy,” I could not say that I immediately declared, “Sign me up.”

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 NIV).

How can I complain? When we were in the throes of Covid, my family was reeling from the murder of DJ, my oldest nephew, in the city of Berkley. My brother, Dennis, was on duty when he received the call from his commanding officer to meet him at the station. Dennis had served more than thirty years on the police force, at one time as a canine officer. He knew something was not right.

“Then Hannah prayed and said: ‘There is no Rock like our God … the Lord is a God who knows’” (1 Samuel 2:1a, 2b, 3b NIV).

Have people ever said the most ridiculously stupid things to you about cancer? Instead of words of comfort and reassurance, I was often greeted with things like, “Oh, my uncle died of that.” It drove me absolutely bonkers. I'm sure I'm not the only one. The truth is, we all have the tendency to put our foot in it when we're not sure what to say or we are awkwardly trying to help.

“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2a NIV).

Have I ever told you about Poochie? Poochie was my dog growing up. He was a total mutt that preferred lounging in the shade of the porch rather than doing any kind of activity except eating. Other than food, the only thing that would get Poochie off the porch was the sound of a car with a broken muffler.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it” (Matthew 13:45-46 NIV).

The year my wife, Sue, was diagnosed with breast cancer happened to coincide with our 50th wedding anniversary. We’d already made plans for a November trip to Hawaii to celebrate. The surgery was scheduled for October with reassurances from her oncologist: